I’m frustrated. I feel like my photography sucks. It’s no good. There’s no point. Why bother. I don’t know if I suck, if I’m not looking carefully enough or paying close enough attention or concentrating deeply enough, or I’m in too big a hurry simply because I had a few free moments to go take pictures and, dammit, I’m going to take pictures just because I have time, or I’m not practicing enough, or working hard and diligently enough to learn the camera, composition and vision, or whatever else could be the problem. I feel like giving up and focusing only on family chores instead. Let it go. Be done with it. Or perhaps I’m just trying to hard and I should take a step back for a while.

On this day I also took my Mamiya 7ii, complete with tripod, light meter and cable release. I shot three rolls of color film which I hope to have time tomorrow to pick up. I did a first loop with the Mamiya, then I rushed a second loop with my two Ricohs. My goal was to shoot recent project material with the Mamiya to see what it did with it, then decide to keep or let go of the camera. I have not seen the results yet, but I doubt I can let it go. I have a bunch of 120 film and I’d like to shoot some things around the house in B&W. Shooting the Mamiya did force me to slow down and carefully consider each shot on the first loop. With their being a “cost” to each film shot I’m much more critical. It also involves more to each shot that adds to the photography experience. It feels odd, too, in that at the end of the hike I don’t immediately have any pictures to review. I have to wait patiently (gasp).

In the meantime I can’t seem to move forward with my photography. I don’t know what to do or where to go. Until something comes to mind I plan to focus on learning more about printing and take the retro step of printing more of my work on paper. Prints are really fun to see and touch and share. I’m working my way through the Lenswork Visual Workshops on PDF Publishing and Folios. I received them for Christmas – education often makes a great gift. I’ve barely scratched the surface but so far they are proving to be useful. In fact, using Adobe InDesign takes me back to my graphic design days. Am I coming full circle?

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